This week's assignment asked me to think of a disagreement or conflict that I have had recently with someone in my professional or personal life and to think about some ways that I could have handled the situation differently.
A recent argument that I had with my sister revolved around her opinion of things that occurred when we were children. She is not speaking to my mother which creates a family tension for all of us, especially around the holidays. In trying to get the two to reach some common ground, I ended up in an argument with my sister as well. Many of the things that she said were not as I remembered them happening. I became irate and I yelled over her and said that I was tired of everything being all about her and the drama that she was creating for the family over something that happened over ten years ago.
In reading the material for this week and thinking about the 3 Rs and NVC strategies, I see where there were things that I could have done differently that could have prevented the argument from spreading to included me. First of all, I think that the conversation would have gone differently had I listened to what she had to say rather than shutting her down the first time that she said something that was not how I remember it being. This would have prevented me form speaking out of frustration and allowed me a moment to hear her before responding. A second strategy that I think would have been useful in this situation would have been to show respect for the way that she recalled the events. I felt bad for jumping on her as though she had lied because in all honesty, it could be that it was her perception of the events.
Jamie,
ReplyDeleteThis is a tough one. Obviously, you love the people involved in this conflict, and are doing your best to keep the peace, but I wonder if it would be more helpful to have someone else mediate the conflict. I think you might be too involved emotionally to fairly listen to both perspectives. You could definitely talk to you sister and try to listen as you said. You could also make her understanding through respectful assertiveness that you have a different recollection of the events without suggesting she is lying. I would try to remind them the conflict is not about being wrong or right but repairing their relationships. Good Luck!
Nar
Jamie,
ReplyDeleteI think you gave a great example of how you could have communicated differently. I think personal family is very hard in communication because we do not always apply the same knowledge that we would with children, families, and other colleagues. Why is this? There would probably be a lot less family "drama" around the world if we did! I think that the emotions involved are different and probably some comfort level as well....what are your thoughts? Nice blog!
Jamie:
ReplyDeleteFamily conflict is the worst and I like the strategies you will work on. Sometimes it's easier to react without really listening--that is why this course is so helpful. To give us the tools to be successful communicators. Thanks for sharing the great post!